YIKES!

What the hell happened? After doing so well all season long, things took a very dark, very unfortunate turn last night, with my predictions landing at 13/24 instead of last year's much-better 18/24. (Remember: I don't count alternates seriously, but just to note how close I really was: 21/24 if you include real "Could Win" picks. 8 more!) This might have been a case of desperate self-doubt.

Pre-Show
I had totally forgotten how awesome of a person Tom Ford was. (See his cameo in Zoolander for further evidence.) But his voice is a booming basso profundo that accentuates the end of his words. Just like Oprah!

Who did Vera Farmiga vote for Best Director? Eventual winner Kathryn Bigelow! Of course, when she said who she was voting for, I'm sure she simply forgot that her director, Jason Reitman, was even nominated. It's not that she just thinks he's a jerk (which is the totally true version of events). Side note: Farmiga easily wins my Best Dressed of the night. Her Marchesa gown was intricate, fascinating, and truly radiant.

I seem to be the only one who disliked Sandra Bullock's dress. I'll give you that her makeup and hair were immaculate, and I loved some of the gold dresses on the red carpet, but her Marchesa was gold, stretchy, and gaudy. I just didn't think it was all that great. In fact, I really hated it. Not my least favorite, but I didn't think it was anything to write home about.

Now Charlize Theron's dress: that was the worst. Cotton candy boobs, much?

The Show
I didn't like the show on the whole. There were moments I really enjoyed, like some of hosts Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin's quips about Meryl Streep ("What's with all the Hitler memorabilia?"), but on the whole, it was unremarkable at best and boring at worst.

...and that's all I'm gonna say about that. You can look elsewhere for commentary on the show--I'm not a reviewer. I'm an Oscarologist.

The Awards
You can figure out for yourself which awards I missed, but suffice it to say that I really screwed up in the Shorts categories, going 0/3, and then missing a couple of key wins that, in retrospect, seemed obvious: Best Actress, Best Original Screenplay, and the Sound categories. But I was thrilled to miss Best Adapted Screenplay--Geoffrey Fletcher wholeheartedly deserved that award (especially over überbitch Jason Reitman) for Precious, and we can't forget that Kathryn Bigelow's win wasn't the only history made: Fletcher is the first black screenwriter to win an Oscar. Cool, huh?

I was thrilled with The Hurt Locker's dominance, especially with regard to Best Director, which, let's be real, was a freaking awesome moment. I don't understand how anyone could hate Bigelow. She's so deserving. (And for the apathetic males, also incredibly hot.)

The acting wins were all expected, but that doesn't make the Oscars for Mo'Nique and Christoph Waltz any less deserving and absolutely perfect. With Jeff Bridges, I was happy that the man finally has an Oscar, but his was only the third-best performance in this category I had seen this year, so I'm not sure how to feel about it. (Sorry, Colin Firth...)

Avatar got pretty owned, with the likes of Precious winning only one less Oscar (and its two Oscars were in top-tier categories, unlike Blue Pocahontas'). In a word: awesome.

After the Oscar season has cooled, I don't like looking back much, so that's why this is so short. I'm already looking at next year (Never Let Me Go is currently on my radar), as things always go in the Oscar world: after the ceremony is over, next year has already begun.