If you applied to Kenyon College, you know that you had to write an essay following a truly ridiculous prompt, a few examples of which are listed below:
Neuroscientists have recently discovered the part of the brain most active in decision-making. What human trait would you most want to understand and what makes it significant to you?
You’re given a block of stone and a hammer and chisel. What would you carve and why?
Along the edge of ancient maps it used to say ‘Here there be monsters.’ What does it say at the edge of your map and why does it say that?
What recent discovery – either by you or by someone else – most excites you? Why is it important to you?
Though these prompts are hilarious enough on their own, I decided (after making the command decision NOT to apply to Kenyon) to craft my own “Kenyon essay prompts.” These are meant only to poke fun at how ridiculous Kenyon really is. Enjoy.
I danced in the hallway next to the water fountain. What does that mean to you, and why?
Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at last year’s MTV Video Music Awards. Who is interrupting your acceptance speech, and for what video would you be accepting the award?
Tupac was actually killed in a strange double homicide with John Lennon by Paul McCartney. What time did the homicide happen, and how can we blame Yoko Ono? Or George W. Bush? Hitler? Show your work.
Prove that the square root of 4 is ‘rainbows.’ What does it mean to you? What does it mean to me? What did it mean to your mother last night?
Pikachu, I choose you. How does that make you feel?
Sandra Bullock is likely going to win an Oscar next month over renowned thespian Meryl Streep. This implies that Sandra Bullock is a better actress than Meryl Streep. Is the world ending? Limit to 5 words.
You are sitting in a field of roses with an extinct breed of polar bear. What movie would you be watching, and what candy would you pay too much for at the concession stand?
Add your own in the comments!