Monday, February 23, 2009

The Most Predictable Oscars Ever

Sorry this is so late, guys. I'm still recovering from my 75% score. Then again, a 75% is a B in Oscarology. But I'm taking it and running with it.

I went 18/24 overall on Sunday, and 10/12 in the major categories. Unfortunately for the readers, the closest score next to mine was 9/12, so there was no winner. Thanks to you guys who did contribute, though, and for recognition's sake, the runner-up to me was Nicollette, with 9/12, missing only Director in addition to my misses.

Speaking of which, here's a breakdown of Oscar Night, including the awards I missed.

My God, That Set
I'm pretty sure that the set was designed by God himself, because it was BEAUTIFUL. The crystal curtain alone was enough to get the guy an Oscar himself for Art Direction. It was gorgeous.

Wow, She Can Sing
That opening number from Hugh Jackman was great. Better was Anne Hathaway's involvement. I thought she was actually a decent singer, much to my surprise. And "I haven't seen The Reader would become the rallying cry of this Oscars.

Best Supporting Actress
Penelope Cruz! (1/1) Don't worry, honey, even if you had fainted, you still would have looked beautiful.

Speaking of Beautiful...
Getting the worst snubbing for the most beautiful dress: Marisa Tomei.

Steve and Tina Take the Screenplay Categories
Don't remember who actually won the Screenplay categories? I don't blame you, what with the hilarity Steve Martin and Tina Fey brought upon the audience. By the way, it was Dustin Lance Black for Milk for Original and Simon Beaufoy for Slumdog Millionaire for Adapted. (3/3) And the Slumdog Count is at 1.

Weirdest. Title. Ever.
After the completely expected win for WALL*E, the animated short La Maison en Petits Cubes won in its category. I forgot to be angry that Presto lost. I was too busy trying to prounounce the winner's title. (4/5)

Carrie's New Man: James Bond!
Sarah Jessica Parker and Daniel Craid aren't the weirdest pairing, but they're up there. Still, props for getting through Best Art Direction and Best Makeup (both Benjamin Button) and Best Costume Design (The Duchess) quickly, though it was the first set of categories that could easily put you to sleep... (6/8)

Give Ben Stiller His Oscar
His biting parody of Joaquin Phoenix's drugged-out performance on David Letterman was the most brilliant moment of the night. And Natalie Portman's reference to his "Haasidic meth lab" doled out the funniest line of the night. By the by, Slumdog took their award, Best Cinematography, raising the SD Count to 2. (7/9)

A Toyland and a Broken Doll
Sorry to Toyland's producers that Seth Rogen laughed at the German title. Seth, much to your dismay, German isn't funny simply because it's German. Nor are you funny simply because Judd Apatow makes your career. (8/10) Then there was that musical number, and oh, God, it was awful. Beyonce resembled a broken Barbie doll (never mind her lip-synching), the younger couples couldn't hold their own, and Hugh Jackman cancelled out his goodwill from the first performance with this disaster. Sorry, Hugh, you're back to neutral for me.

Best Supporting Obviousness
Heath Ledger did deserve this, and I'm glad his family's acceptance speech was eelegant, to say the least. But shocking? Not in the least. (9/11)

Worst two categories of the show? Quite possibly. Man on Wire takes Best Documentary Feature, and Smile Pinki takes Best Documentary Short Subject. (10/13)

Will Smith Presents the Rest of the Show
I'll forgive the Iron Man-type entrance because Will Smith had to present four awards in a row. I'm not joking. Best Visual Effects (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), Best Sound Mixing (The Dark Knight's second win of the night), and the first two awards of the Slumdog 4-in-a-row: Best Sound Mixing and Best Film Editing. (The SD Count is now at 4, and my record is 13/17.)

Jai Ho!
Raising the SD Count to 6, Slumdog Millionaire prevailed over a really, really, really, REALLY bad Best Original Song medley and a bad "Jai Ho!" cover by the Pussycat Dolls (ugh) to win Best Original Song and Best Original Score. Which will both be forgotten by next year. (15/19)

What in God's name is Departures?!
Best Foreign Film? Not The Class. Not Waltz with Bashir. No, instead, it's some movie from Japan. That I've never heard of. Stupid (15/20).

The Big Four
Best Director to Danny Boyle (good), Best Actress to Kate Winslet (boo), Best Actor to Sean Penn (yay?), and Best Picture to Slumdog Millionaire (YES!). And with an SD Count of 8 and my personal record fo (18/24). And, like the Oscar night itself, you just want it all to end about two hours in.

Final Length: 3 hrs. and 27 min.
Final Grade: B+ (but it's weak)

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