Monday, March 14, 2011

MVM: Which Seat Can I Take? The Rebecca Black Story

I'm in the middle of writing about the newest season of American Idol, but let's be honest. No one wants to read about that today. We (we we) want to read about viral sensation Rebecca Black and her unending quest for fun, fun, fun, fun on Fridays (provided she picks the right seat in the car, of course) in our new segment called Music Video Mondays.

Oh, Rebecca, you have no idea.
Inspired by poor unfortunate soul Rebecca Black, Mondays will now host breakdowns of music videos old and new. It's a small way of expanding the scope of Awkward is What We Aim For beyond film reviews. (Speaking of those, I know, I was supposed to have a new Netflix Pix up this week. That's my fault--it'll be back next week.)

Video and commentary follow after the page break.


What isn't there to love about the epic musical saga that is Rebecca Black's "Friday"? Answer: everything. The song, which is either an incredibly effective parody or the saddest thing I've ever experienced in my life, follows Rebecca's Friday morning from its first moments to the epic conclusion through the most dryly-delivered, utterly vapid lyrics.

After awakening, Rebecca manages to make her way through the trying tasks of the morning like eating cereal and "being fresh" and gets to the bus stop, waits for the bus, then is promptly picked up by her friends. Perhaps it's best that she doesn't wait for the bus, because she has enough problems deciding where to sit in her friend's car (I see my friends/Kickin’ in the front seat/Sittin’ in the back seat/Gotta make my mind up/Which seat can I take?). Faced with a bus full of open seats, the poor girl might have had a brain aneyurism. 

We hit the chorus and discover what Rebecca's Achilles' Heel is: enunciation. The word 'Friday,' somewhat vital in a song titled "Friday", sounds quite a bit more like 'fried egg' after she (and AutoTune) are done masticating it. Thanks to whatever sentient being controls us all, we only have to bear her butchering the title of her song six times until we reach the second verse. 

Somehow, Rebecca has made it through the treacherous day and is now headed to a party with her girls at 7:45. Since Rebecca is about 14 years old and probably still has a curfew, it's expected to be a short party. Somehow, she's still struggling with which seat to take, which leads us to realize exactly why she's having so much trouble pronouncing 'Friday'--she's paralyzed with indecision and the poor thing has shut down all motor function. She really shouldn't be partying so hard at the late hour of 7:45--the girl needs her rest. And someone to make decisions for her. Might we suggest Oprah?

No, don't give her a brand new car, Oprah! She doesn't even know where to sit in her friend's car!
Then we hit the bridge, which really just needs to be absorbed in its entirety:

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We we we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today
Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes afterwards
I don’t want this weekend to end

Yes, that's right, folks! For just $19.95, you can get your very own Rebecca Black sing-a-long calendar! You may not remember those pesky first few days of the week, but you'll always know when it's the weekend! Particularly Friday! Order now and we'll also throw in your very own rap verse!

That's right, there's a rap verse. The poor shmuck somehow seduced/drugged into doing this project has to also mull the now infamous question of which seat to pick, instead choosing to both chill in both the front and back seats simultaneously. I hope Rebecca didn't hear this. Finding out she spent the better part of her Friday mulling a question that doesn't even require an answer might just make her cry. But no, it seems that she was too busy preparing to "belt" the chorus twice more. We can only hope all that stress was abetted just in time for Rebecca to enjoy her Friday. How was it, Rebecca?

Rebecca Black Swan
Where were you when you first heard the tragedy of Rebecca Black? How hard did you laugh? Will you ever be able to hear the word 'Friday' without flinching ever again? How will you decide whether to sit in the front or back seat next time you get in your car? Take your uproarious laughter to the comments!


Robert said...

HAHAHA your post made me laugh so hard. I mean, this video is an absolute disaster...and those lyrics. But, it is rather hilarious so I suppose it's somewhat worth it. Haha!

Anonymous said...


Shaq said...

Where did I first hear "Friday"? I wonder. *coughs* In this case, ignorance really IS bliss Kevin. Thanks for ruining every Friday I have yet to come -- and tainting my iTunes; I definitely downloaded this historical piece of musical -- and "informative" art.

On another note, brilliantly written analysis as usual. :)