Runaway Runway

After a really promising start, with episodes 3 and 5 looking like classics, this season of Project Runway has started to veer off the rails again. Hopefully, tonight's episode turns things around, but let's take a look at exactly why these past few weeks just haven't made it work.

Episode 6: You Can Totally Wear That Again
The Michael Costello drama in this challenge just came off very produced and unappealing. I also think the win was bullshit. His repurposed bridesmaid's dress was poorly constructed, if somewhat editorial. Beats me why Mondo, who won the most votes from the public, didn't win. His styling was off, sure, but whose isn't every once in a while? Yes, some of these designers are expert stylists. Gretchen, in particular, is amazing at it. But this is a design competition, and looking at the design alone, Mondo was the clear winner. Oh, and Michael Drummond sent out a horrendous look that should've gotten him sent home. Peach's was just a hair worse in the judges' minds.

Shoulda Won: Mondo
Shoulda Been Out: Michael Drummond

Episode 7: What's Mine is Yours
A resortwear challenge where the designers had to work on each other's looks sounds like it'd be a lot of fun, but other than a little "Ivy throws Michael Drummond under the bus" drama, it all came off very stale and overdone. Not the greatest episode of this show ever. April won for a very sexy, almost lingerie-esque look, though Andy's was really the standout. Similarly, Casanova went home for something that wasn't even resortwear, whereas Ivy went home for something that was a heaping helping of dull. It was "sister-wives go to a resort" fashion, which isn't really fashion at all.

Shoulda Won: Andy
Shoulda Been Out: Ivy

Episode 8: A Rough Day on the Runway
Damn, what a messy episode. The designs that the contestants put out ranged from the boring to the contemptible, as though they didn't understand the challenge. Then again, according to Tim Gunn, maybe they didn't understand it: this clip is a pretty severe damnation of the Project Runway production team. It's difficult to even judge this episode considering how scatterbrained it all seemed, but two things: first, Ivy's look without the outerwear was the clear winner. However, the outerwear, as ill-conceived a twist as it is, did indeed apply, so Mondo's amazing purple houndstooth look was head-and-shoulders above the others. All the other looks were...meh. Second, those judges were bitchy. I guess all the tension around this challenge just led everyone to get a little pissy, but that runway criticism was just ugly. (One thing: Lifetime producers? Stop trying to play that the designers are going to kill each other. Although I must thank you for giving me my new favorite sound bite: "The workroom is a WAR ROOM!")

Shoulda Won: Mondo (with the twist, without it the winner would be Ivy)
Shoulda Been Out: Andy

What will happen in tonight's episode? I'd say we're looking at an elimination for either Valerie or Christopher, both of whom have been playing it entirely far too safe this season. Ivy and Michael Costello could both easily go home, though the former really brought her A-game last week and the latter is turning into the judges' pet this season. One thing's for sure: you can bet Gretchen won't be going home any time soon. She's not a perfect designer, but despite her personality defects, she's a pretty great one.

Rapid Reviews: Easy Catfish Town

Rapid Reviews time! Let's check in to see what movies deserved my quick judgment this week!

Tim Gunn is Ashamed of Your Runway Performance

If you missed last week's episode of Project Runway, you missed what was easily the most-entertaining episode of a a series many have written off as yesterday's news in a long, long time.

Haven't been watching this season? For shame! Get yourself over to MyLifetime.com and catch yourself up. The challenges this season have been great, from the initial "make a garment out of another contestant's garment" challenge to the unconventional materials "party dress" challenge to last week's 6 vs. 6 mega-team challenge that inspired some of the best drama I've seen on television in years.

Luckily, all this seems to be paying off, as Lifetime is recording major ratings for the show, inspiring many to call it a return to the show's watercooler days of the first few seasons. Have you not been watching? Well then, let's catch you up.

Episode 1: And Sew It Begins
Corny pun episode titles! How I missed you. The season premiere's challenge was to pick one garment out of your suitcase, trade that with another designer, then use their garment to create a brand new garment. This isn't completely original, as they've had "use the clothes off your back" challenges before, but forcing them to trade was a nice twist. However, the designs were trash. None of them were too impressive, and yet the judges chose to only eliminate one designer, despite their power that week to eliminate multiple. Gretchen (who also answers to "That Bitch") won the challenge with a dress that wasn't anything special but then again, it was probably the best on the runway. McKell was sent home (completely undeservingly, honestly), and train wrecks like Casanova and Jason stayed for, you guessed it, their personalities. Love reality TV.

Shoulda Won: Gretchen
Shoulda Been Out: Casanova and Jason (an argument could be made for Ivy, too)

Episode 2: Larger Than Life
Also known as the moment everyone on this planet turned against Gretchen. In a Project Runway first, the designer who won the first challenge also won the second challenge, as Gretchen took this win for her jumpsuit (gag). The challenge was to create a look for the Marie Claire woman (Marie Claire, of course, referring to the sponsor publication of Project Runway) that would be featured on a billboard in Times Square in New York City. Personally, my win would have gone to either Mondo, who channelled Mary Tyler Moore in his look, or Valerie, though her exquisite look probably wouldn't have translated to a billboard. However, Gretchen won it again, somewhat undeservingly, and Jason, very deservingly went home. Nicholas also went home, which I would discuss more if I could remember who he was. I can't. Whoops.

Shoulda Won: Mondo
Shoulda Been Out: Jason

Episode 3: It's a Party
THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT PARTY GLITTERS! Tim Gunn prefers wooly balls! What a fun challenge, to make garments out of party favors, a challenge that seemed like a repeat but really wasn't. The challenge had a great spirit, which is unusual these days on Lifetime, and the drama was, of course, amped up. Gretchen appeared to be headed for yet another win, which, of course, would have been boring, only to have Andy earn the win for his absolutely fantastic black dress made out of ribbon that did not at all look made out of ribbon. As judge Michael Kors pointed out, it looked like a dress Rihanna or host Heidi Klum would wear. He rightfully won, though Michael Costello, soon to become a loathed contestant by the other cast members, produced a great red dress that went unnoticed. Casanova, however, produced an absolute train wreck that not even a drag queen would have loved. And that's saying a lot. However, he's a character, so he was saved again in favor of Sarah, a good designer having an off week.

Shoulda Won: Andy
Shoulda Been Out: Casanova

Episode 4: Hats Off to You
Fun hats + not fun garments + the wrong winner - much drama = a snoozer of an episode. Michael Drummond should have taken the win, but Michael Costello won it for a horribly weak entry. And Kristin went home for not being able to translate an orchid hat into a good dress. Not my favorite episode of the season.

Shoulda Won: Michael Drummond
Shoulda Been Out: Kristin

Episode 5: There IS An "I" in Team
This episode will be remembered as a masterpiece of reality television that hearkened back to this show's glory days. Stuck in a mega-team challenge, six versus six, Gretchen had a meltdown on the runway, one team all dogpiled on Michael Costello as being talentless (though he had immunity and couldn't be eliminated), and the underdogs won, with the underdoggiest of all, Casanova, taking home a completely deserving win. (And I would've eliminated him twice already! So surprising, and in a great way.) The key moment, however, was after A.J.'s undeserving elimination (sure, his garment was bad, but not worse than Ivy's), Tim Gunn scolded the losing team for their behavior on the runway and all but called Gretchen a bitch. To her face. It was a brilliant moment, and reminded the audience exactly why Tim Gunn is so beloved. He is the star of this show, and we should all be honored to get the chance to see him week after week. You think I'm kidding? Go watch that wooly balls segment again. Or the smackdown. Seriously, they're both on YouTube, and they're masterpiece moments.

Shoulda Won: Casanova
Shoulda Been Out: Ivy (but Gretchen made a good case for herself with that meltdown on the runway)

I haven't watched episode six yet, but it sounds like it was another deliciously dramatic episode featuring the bitch twins Ivy and Gretchen. If you haven't been watching, guys, seriously, catch up. Project Runway has transformed itself yet again into the best show on television. And that includes a great season of Top Chef and a brilliant one of Mad Men. It's just that good.

State of the Cinema 2010

If you feel as though this year has been short on good movies and long on filler, well, you'd be right.

Two-thirds of the year has gone by, and I'd say there isn't a film per month I'd call 'quality'. Total, I would count six films so far this year as being really great work. I'm not sure if we had more or less by this time last year, but I have to assume it was better than this.

Sure, there have been some nice guilty pleasures here and there, like Kick-Ass and Hot Tub Time Machine. But good, Oscar-caliber stuff has been so light. What follows is my breakdown of the top six films of the year and how I would rank them, plus Oscar viability.

6. Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work
An unflinching, fascinating portrait of a woman who has seen defeat so many times and yet continually rises from the ashes due to her undying work ethic. A lock for Best Documentary Feature later this year barring any heavy-handed liberal projects a la The Cove or An Inconvenient Truth (both of which, being a liberal, I enjoyed).

5. The Kids are All Right
A fascinating tale of a modern family dealing with all the problems that arise from being so modern. The acting is first-rate, especially from leads Annette Bening and Julianne Moore, but the plot is a little disheveled at times, leading me to rank this lower than most. It will likely be a Best Picture nominee, as well as a Best Original Screenplay and (double) Best Actress nominee.

4. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
What an unfailingly fun film. Full of originality and innovation, there wasn't a moment in this that I didn't find completely enjoyable. The most fun I've had in a movie theater in a long time. I have to resist the urge to rank this higher simply based on how fun it was. No shot at Oscar, unfortunately, which is a sad statement about the Oscars.

3. Please Give
Another movie likely to be ignored by Oscar voters, the sheer acting prowess combined with expert writing and direction created one of the most thought-provoking, in-your-face, fascinating films of the year. Rebecca Hall, Amanda Peet, Catherine Keener and Oliver Platt all put on a master class in using well-developed characters to make them the heart of the film. Tragically unseen, this is another film it is difficult to rank down. But the next two are just too good.

2. Inception
What remains to be said? A gamebreaker, Inception is a sure thing Best Picture nominee, as well as a likely Best Director and Best Original Screenplay nominee. If there were justice, Marion Cotillard would also be a Best Supporting Actress nominee, but I wouldn't wager any money on that idea. Truly spellbinding, this is a movie that truly defined 2010.

1. Toy Story 3
It's sentimental, relies on our knowledge of previously established characters, and is a threequel. So freaking what. It is also the best film of the year so far, and I would be stunned if another film takes that title. There is nothing about this film that is not beautiful, from the animation to the script to the voicework. What a brilliant movie. A lock for the Best Animated Feature prize, and a sure bet Best Picture nominee. Maybe, in this slow year, even a Best Picture winner.

What have your favorite films this year been? Take it to the comments!

The "Cool" Songs

A couple of months ago, I posted a series on my favorite songs of all time with the stories behind each of them. Those were truly my twenty favorite songs of all time.

But no one really mentions their favorite songs when asked, "What are you favorite songs?" No, because those answers and follow-up conversations are too awkward and uncomfortable. Everyone has a set of, say, five or so songs they name-check in conversation as being their favorites because it's easier and others will respect you more. They still love them, but they're not the real top tier. Don't pretend you don't. You may do it with albums or artists instead of songs, but it's the same concept. What follows are my five so-called "cool" songs.

"Folds in Your Hands," Passion Pit
I absolutely love this track. A lot more than most Passion Pit, actually, which usually strikes me as heavily overproduced (don't waste your time telling me that's the point, I've heard it before). It's infectious, fun, well-written, and interestingly and conservatively produced. An iPod playlist staple.

"Alone Apart," The Swell Season
I've profiled The Swell Season and this song in particular before, and "Falling Slowly" is actually my favorite song from the duo, but this one is just so soul-stirring and touching I can't help but feel really connected every time I listen to it. Markéta Irglová's voice is stirring.

"Citizen," Broken Bells
Another duo with a far superior song ("The High Road") but with another that I often prefer simply for sheer musical quality from time to time. The transitions from melodic sing-a-long to moody, introspective ballad are beautiful. And "Call on a bright star/Or play your hand as idiots" might be one of the most gorgeously rendered couplets in any modern song I've ever heard.

"In The Waiting Line," Zero 7
An indie take on a siren song, the vocal is so sensuous and seductive that the lyrics almost become obsolete. Closer examination of those lyrics, however, reveal an aching, meticulously constructed tune that few people have in their iTunes libraries, but more should.

"That's Why You're Beautiful," Beyoncé
Oh, you didn't really think you'd escape a music-based post on this blog without a little Sasha Fierce, did you? The resident R&B diva has several catchy songs in her repertoire, but this lilting ballad about a lover's beauty through time is, quite honestly, her best. It might not be just one of my "cool" songs, it might be my favorite song of hers overall.

Welcome Back to the Runway!

Welcome back to the Runway, boys and girls! As you know in reality television, one season, you're in, the next season, you're out.

This season's challenge for Project Runway is to revitalize itself as the watercooler show it once was back on Bravo before it switched to Lifetime. It has failed at this challenge for the past two seasons, both becoming snoozefests despite actual talent (well, last season, at least. Season 6 was really quite bad) because of a lack of drama.

This season, they've ramped up the drama, eliminating three contestants in two episodes, handing the win to the same designer twice in a row in those first two episodes (unheard of until now), and emphasizing any and all personal conflicts.

Now that you know the challenge they face, let's meet the most intriguing contestants of the season so far.

Sarah has been declared safe in both of the past two challenges, but her design aesthetic is very edgy and appealing. She also seems to have a "don't fuck with me" attitude that I really enjoy. She's definitely one to watch, and possibly my favorite under-the-radar contestant of the season.

Christopher seems like a sweet guy, and has also flown under the radar for the past two challenges. You know what else he's done for the past two challenges? Crank out some of the best clothes there. He is like Sarah in that he can avoid the drama and not get called out and yet still create a good reputation for himself. Another one to watch closely.

Gretchen didn't deserve her win this week, but she completely deserved it last week. She is definitely channelling Leanne Marshall as another hippie chick from Portland, Oregon, but she seems a little more full of herself and a little brassier.

A.J. is also brassy, and loves his haute couture, punk rock styling a little too much, but he knows how to do bold designs, and that's a key skill in this game.

Valerie, the CLEAR winner this week to anyone not named Heidi, Nina, or Michael, definitely knows how to do consumer-friendly fashion very easily. She also knows how to do detail very well. If she can keep it up, she can definitely rival Gretchen for judge love.

Who are you impressed with so far? Is the show any better? Leave comments!

Inception: Sweet Dream or Beautiful Nightmare?

...go with me here. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I feel about Inception. Now don't get me wrong: I loved it. A lot. But what I really can't figure out is this: if I were to take a step back and look at the film critically, how would I rate Inception.

I got nothing. Seriously. I've never been so at a loss for opinion of a film. This might be a long one, so brace yourselves.

On the positive side of things, there is no filmmaker more visionary and innovative today than Christopher Nolan. The director who showed exactly how good comic book films can be, and how great a performance can be, really takes an intriguing concept and completely fleshes it out to the point where everyone can see it, if not understand it. (More on that later.)

But to the critics who are bashing Inception as being "not a masterpiece," I say: so what if it isn't? The fact is that Nolan took serious risks on this screenplay and on this movie, and I applaud him for all of them.

Inception succeeds in being both an auteur's film and a big summer blockbuster, something that hasn't been done since, oh, gee, I don't know... The Dark Knight? I really don't know of any filmmaker who can do exactly what he wants to do, make his film as smart as he wants his audience to be, and have the people of America and all around the world come in droves to see it.

I won't bore/spoil you with plot synopsis. It's not required for this piece anyway.

Leonardo DiCaprio is aggressively passionate and wonderful in his role as antihero Dom Cobb, a Danny Ocean for the smarter set. While Ocean's Eleven and its poorly planned offspring were always, to me, a bit hindered by the smugness of the cast, this group has a seriousness of purpose with moments of humor. No one character is more serious than Cobb, however, and no one actor is more committed than DiCaprio.

The other actors range from fine to fantastic in their roles. Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Ellen Page, both more commonly associated with their humorous, quirky roles (from the films (500) Days of Summer and Juno, respectively), are both perfectly understated here, but don't get a lot of room for grandstanding. Tom Hardy as a shapeshifter is humorous and a good foil for Gordon-Levitt's ultraserious character. Michael Caine cameos as a father-in-law type as only Michael Caine can. Marion Cotillard (who beat Page in the 2007 Best Actress Oscar race for her role in La Vie En Rose) is mysterious and antagonistic in her role as Mal, Cobb's wife. And Cillian Murphy, obviously a Nolan favorite (remember him as the Scarecrow from Batman Begins?), is a centerpiece of the plot and plays his role with aplomb.

So if the acting is solid, the writing is good, and the direction is amazing, what could be bad about this movie? Well, in truth, nothing is BAD, just...unfinished. All of the characters except Cobb are paper-thin and without any real development. The plot is sometimes rushed, and the reasoning behind the big heist at the center of the film is murky, to say the least. And the climax is far too long. I feel like there was climactic music going on for at least half an hour.

These things will not bother you as you watch Inception, as they should not. Nolan has crafted the perfect popcorn movie with a brain. You'll be confused, you'll be intrigued, and you'll want to watch again. But you won't be disappointed. Inception is grade-A filmmaking, and, along with Toy Story 3 and The Kids Are All Right, surely one of our Oscar nominees for Best Picture come January.

Isaac and Ishmael

Sorry for the lack of posting as of late. Blame 40 hours a week of work.

I just finished watching the de factor Season 3 opener of The West Wing, "Isaac and Ishmael". It isn't the greatest episode ever, and it is definitely preachy, but it also has a really important message about this war we're in against terrorism that when the episode first aired had just started.

The entire episode makes a lot of great points, but perhaps the greatest is made by First Lady Abbey Bartlet. One of the students the White House staffers are with during a security breach asks how Islamic extremism and the resulting terrorism started. This was her answer.

"Sarah... God said to Abraham, "Look toward the heaven and number the stars and so shall your descendants be." But Abraham's wife, Sarah, wasn't getting any younger, and God wasn't coming through on His promise... Sarah was getting older, and she was getting nervous because she didn't have any children. So she sent Abraham to the bed of her maid, Hagar, and Abraham and Hagar had Ishmael. And not long after they did, God kept His promise to Sarah, as He'd always intended to, and Abraham and Sarah had Isaac. And Sarah said to Abraham, "Cast out this slave woman with her son, for the son of the slave woman will not be heir with my son Isaac." And so it began: the Jews, the sons of Isaac. The Arabs, the sons of Ishmael. But what most people find important to remember is that, in the end, the two sons came together to bury their father."

I'll keep this brief, because to me, that particular piece of prose speaks for itself. But whenever anyone thinks the problems in the Middle East can be solved with just a war or a bomb, remember exactly how far back this entire conflict extends.

Emmy Voters! Listen Up!

Dear Emmy Voters,

You all are a rambunctious group of free-thinkers who love to take certain risks while still remaining remarkably safe in your nomination choices. This has been proven the past few years by repeated nominations for Mad Men but none for it's standout, Christina Hendricks, for example, or by lots of wins for 30 Rock but none for its edgiest and most hilarious performer, Tracy Morgan.

This year, I'd like to see you take some chances. I'd like to see not only some surprise nominations, but some surprise wins. I want to be on the edge of my seat at the Emmys this year.

On my wish list: first, I would like to see you recognize The Good Wife, truly the year's best new program, drama or otherwise, and perhaps the best television show on air right now. It deserves a nomination for Best Series, Drama, as well as wins for it's two powerful women, Julianna Marguiles as lead and Archie Panjabi as supporting. I have little doubt that Marguiles will prevail, but in case there is a groundswell of support for Glenn Close in the superb but likely cancelled Damages, just remember this: Close has won twice in a row for this role. She does not need another win.

Panjabi, I'm certain, will have a much more difficult road to a win. She must face Rose Byrne, Close's guest star who regularly spars on-screen with one of the greatest actresses of our time and often comes off the winner; Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men's heart and soul that should be in the lead race but downgraded to supporting and is now in the prime position to win; Hendricks from the same show after an outstanding body of work this season; and the always magnificent Lisa Edelstein of House, long a favorite of mine who was allowed her first real chance to shine this season with an episode devoted solely to her. Still, among these many great actresses, I am committed to Panjabi, an absolute enigma in leather boots.

Second, I would like to see more widespread recognition of Glee beyond the Best Series, Comedy category it is incredibly likely to win. I want to see nominations for Matthew Morrison, Lea Michele, and Chris Colfer, with a win for Jane Lynch. The show is a well-rounded effort, and it would be criminal not to recognize all the different aspects involved in the production of it.

Finally, I would like to see a win for Kathy Griffin in the Best Guest Actress, Drama category. I never saw her performance on Law and Order: SVU, but I did see how hard she worked for it on her show, My Life on the D-List, and I really want her to take home a golden statuette.

I hope you'll keep all these things in mind when voting, Emmy voters. Because I know you all read this tiny little blog in the middle of the cybersphere. Especially you, Tina Fey.

Love,
Kevin

25 of 30: The Best of Rock

For three and a half seasons, 30 Rock was the reigning champion of television comedy. While edgy shows like Nurse Jackie and United States of Tara on Showtime tried to outdo the broadcast excellence of Rock much in the same vein as cable dramas like Mad Men and Dexter have, nothing could top Rock...

Until now, of course. This past television season saw Glee, Modern Family, and Cougar Town all outdo Rock on broadcast television on a regular basis, thanks to Rock's underwhelming second part to the fourth season. Since then, it's become popular to deride 30 Rock as "over" and "past its prime."

You know when the first time critics and audiences tried to kill this Tina Fey comedy was? Before it even aired. During the same television series that 30 Rock premiered, Aaron Sorkin's new dramedy Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip debuted. Guess which show the critics stood behind? Guess which show failed?

This post is to remind everyone out there exactly how good 30 Rock really is. I'm going to list the top 25 best episodes in order, with a particular point of personal satisfaction with the episode. (It'll be significantly more detailed for the top five.) Pretty simple. You might not always get the context, but hey, that's all the more reason to Netflix/buy the DVD sets and figure out exactly why this show is so damn funny.

25. "Don Geiss, America, and Hope" (Season 4) - the porn movie titles for Kabletown, such as Fresh-Ass: Based on the Novel "Tush" By Ass-Fire

24. "Jack-tor" (Season 1) - Liz's pep talk to Jack, plus the GE Product Integration video outtakes of Jack screwing up

23. "Dealbreakers Talk Show #0001" (Season 4) - the high-definition camera does different things to different characters, and they're all hilarious

22. "The One With The Cast Of Night Court" (Season 3) - Jennifer Aniston as 'crazyputty' Claire Harper

21. "MILF Island" (Season 2) - the breakout star of the titular reality show, Deborah, and Jack's fascination with her

20. "Emmanuelle Goes To Dinosaur Land" (Season 4) - Drew: "Hooks crossed!"

19. "The Funcooker" (Season 3) - Liz wants to be reborn like a phoenix from the ashes, but she doesn't mean to nearly set her co-workers on fire

18. "Secrets and Lies" (Season 2) - Patrice, one of Jenna's gays, to Liz: "Oh, Melissa? Your face is on the phone. Soccer practice is over, and you need to PICK IT UP!"

17. "Pilot" (Season 1) - A damn fantastic beginning (bonus: Jack's response to "We own Kmart now?": "No. So why are you dressed like we do?" was only his second line of the entire series and is still one of his best)

16. "Fireworks" (Season 1) - one of the all-around best episodes of the series, with the character development in Liz a highlight

15. "Mamma Mia" (Season 3) - You gotta love the Meryl Streep musical-imitating search for Jack's father, played by the magnificent Alan Alda (bonus: Kenneth to Jack: "As head of this tour, I'm going to deny your request")

14. "Kidney Now!" (Season 3) - "He Needs a Kidney" is the best charity song to ever not raise any money (bonus: The Vontella Martin Show)

13. "Episode 210" (Season 2) - this writers' strike-affected episode struck gold with Liz's drunken phone calls to the co-op board at her new apartment building (bonus: "Midnight Train to Georgia" as sung by the cast!)

12. "Generalissimo" (Season 3) - Alec Baldwin plays two roles while trying to get Elisa Padreira (Salma Hayek)'s grandmother to fall for him

11. "Hiatus" (Season 1) - the first and best appearance of Elaine Stritch as Jack's mother, Colleen Donaghy, was pure genius

10. "The Ones" (Season 3) - Liz to Elisa, la viuda negra: "Why are you so quiet when your parties are so loud?!" (bonus: Elisa's 'What the Frak?' shirt!)

9. "St. Valentine's Day" (Season 3) - the confrontation between Elisa and Jack in the church in front of the statue of St. Lucia, the patron saint of judgmental statues, takes an unfortunate turn when Jack will never touch Elisa's big boobs again

8. "Hardball" (Season 1) - Where to start? Jenna's voting for "Osama in '08," Liz makes Josh do the worm, and Alec has pictures of Josh rough-housing with Lance Bass at SeaWorld

7. "Cougars" (Season 2) - Val Emmich made us all "gay for Jamie," even if that's not a thing (bonus points: dance remix of 'Muffin Top'!)

6. "Tracy Does Conan" (Season 1) - Dr. Spaceman (pronounced Spechemin, naturally) is introduced, and LaDonica has not been real helpful to Kenneth the Page

The Top Five (A.K.A. where it gets real, y'all)

5. "The Rural Juror" (Season 1)
This is where 30 Rock became the genius show it is known as today. What other show would create an entire episode off of two words they just can't pronounce together? Jane Krakowski's Jenna Maroney character became not only funny, but pertinent to the story's development. Rachel Dratch had a phenomenal guest shot as a completely misunderstandable Barbara Walters. Fey's Liz Lemon wanted to be an actress, but she wasn't blonde. Lonny Ross' Josh had to let a security guard watch him pee to get a screener of Jenna's movie. Tracy Morgan's Tracy Jordan develops the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine, which isn't the worst celebrity product idea Baldwin's Jack Donaghy's ever heard of ("You're working out with Whoopi!"). The character development is in high supply, too. It's one of the finest episodes for the whole show, and definitely Maroney's personal best.

4. "Somebody To Love" (Season 2)
This ingenious episode introduced us to Celeste "C.C." Cunningham, a "D" congresswoman from Vermont who Jack hooks up with but then can't stand to be apart from, despite their need to be secretive. They meet at a party thrown by John McCain and Jack Bauer. Yes, John McCain is very real. Jack McBrayer's Kenneth Parcell loses Jack's suit pants and does ridiculous stunts to get them back. NBC's parent company, the Sheinhardt Wig Corporation, has been turning children orange. Liz is convinced her neighbor, Fred Armisen's pita pocket Raheem, is a terrorist, and becomes an American hero who saw something and said something. Finally, in what might be the funniest thirty seconds of modern television comedy, we find out that C.C. had a Lifetime movie made about her, "A Dog Took My Face and Gave Me a Better Face to Change the World: The Celeste Cunningham Story," starring Kristin Wiig's Candice Van der Shark. The clips of the Lifetime movie are mind-blowingly funny. This is how 30 Rock beats its competitors: it knows how to use its guest stars. Speaking of which...

3. "Believe In The Stars" (Season 3)
Oprah Winfrey on 30 Rock could have been stupid. It could have been ridiculous. It could have been forced. It could have been horrible. It wasn't. Instead, it was the most inspired bit of stunt casting in the history of television, weaving in Oprah brilliantly as a hallucination for Liz, when in reality, Oprah was nothing but a spunky 7th grader named Pam who, nonetheless, solved a race/gender conflict between Jenna and Tracy with class. Speaking of that conflict, we saw Tracy dressed up as Becky, Liz's college roommate and a white woman with a monster claw who was going to lunch with her girlfriends and wanted to sit outside. ("Lipstick!") We also saw Jenna, a black man, singing "Ease On Down The Road" from The Wiz. We found out there's no such thing as Olympic tetherball, which caused Kenneth to lose his faith in Jack, which caused Jack to break Kenneth. Jack met Maulik Pancholy's Jonathan when he thought he was M. Night Shamaylan. Oh, and did I mention Liz gets out of jury duty by pretending to be Princess Leia? One of the best-written episodes of the series, and Fey's best acting work to date.

2. "Blind Date" (Season 1)
It's no secret 30 Rock had some difficulty getting off the ground early in its run. What's often forgotten is the genius of "Blind Date," an episode that saw Jack set up Liz with his friend Thomas. That is, of course, Gretchen Thomas, the brilliant plastics engineer-slash-lesbian. Jack corrects Liz's file when he finds out she's not a lesbian, though her shoes are definitely bi-curious. But as it turns out, Liz does love Gretchen, just as the Gayle to her Oprah. But Gretchen shuts it down before they go to IKEA together. Meanwhile, Jack becomes obsessed with Kenneth Ellen Parcell, an unreadable poker player who defeats him because Jack can't discern his tell. He almost gets rid of Kenneth, but Jack decides to keep him around, because of what the Italians (who have never won a war or mass-produced a decent car) say: keep your friends close and your enemies closer. After all, in five years, we'll all either be working for Kenneth or be dead by his hand. For anyone who ever says that early Rock wasn't truly its best, just point them to this expertly executed third episode.

1. "Black Tie" (Season 1)
30 Rock doesn't get any better than this. A masterfully written, acted, subplotted, directed, and cast work, it includes the magnificent Paul Reubens, also known as Pee-Wee Herman, as a prince incapacitated by generations of inbreeding who dies for Jenna at his 25th birthday party. Literally. Jack asks Liz to accompany him to the party, where they run into Jack's ex-wife, Bianca, played brilliantly by Isabella Rosellini. When Jack panics, he introduces Liz as his live-in girlfriend, which sends Bianca into a wild rage. "The whole thing makes me want to vomit!" Meanwhile, Frank is tempted to cheat after a tiring altercation with his wife and kids ("How is that Elmo's fault? Did Mommy have some wine to drink before she called Elmo?") by Tracy and a woman with smooth jugs, but Kenneth talks him down in a brilliant spoof of the angel/devil dynamic seen, well, everywhere. The whole episode is entirely plot-relevant, yet it stands out in every way possible. When Glee wants to do a Madonna episode but manages to not advance a single plot, it should be reminded of "Black Tie": a fun, on-location episode that did something different but still developed its characters in truly interesting ways. Maybe one of the top five sitcom episodes ever written, "Black Tie" is a testament to exactly why 30 Rock has become the critical darling and audience favorite it is.

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